[The more Hal thinks about what just happened, the more it bothers him. It's a nice distraction, honestly, when Barry is suddenly in his space. He'd rather focus on that. He wraps both arms around Barry, pressing a kiss into his hair. For several minutes he stands there in complete silence, content to just hold Barry]
[It takes Barry a moment to answer, as he tries to come up with something to say that's both true and won't worry Hal too much. He doesn't manage, though, so he settles for truth, blowing out a tired breath.]
Not really. [No one really would be, after what they went through this morning.] Are you okay?
[Similarly, Hal debates just saying he's fine. But he also figures Barry would know immediately that that's a lie because it is. He kind of wants to crawl out of his own body right now, actually. It’s not a great feeling. And really, he just doesn't have the energy right now to lie. So instead he sighs, hugging Barry tighter]
I don't think I'm doing great, no. You wanna talk about it? [He's not so sure he's down to talk about how he feels regarding this himself but if Barry wants or needs to, he will too]
[It's almost a relief when Hal admits he's not doing well either. Not because Barry is happy about that, but because at least it means Hal is being honest, and not trying to bury everything down deep. By now, he knows how his best friend works, and knows he won't want to talk about it right away; he's just not that kind of guy. It'll be a while before he's ready to even broach the topic of his own not-okayness.
Barry isn't so reticent. He leans into that hug, remaining there for another few minutes, before he starts to pull them over to the couch instead. They might as well sit, and he can lean against Hal for strength.]
...My deceased wife should really be off-limits for this sort of thing. [He finally says, with a heavy sigh.] I know none of it was real, but it's harder to convince my brain of that.
[He's still processing his own not-okayness. Between how generally unsettled he feels and his annoyance at learning that people messing with his mind is apparently a trigger topic for him, he's not having a great time. But he'd much rather focus on Barry. It's always easier to talk about other people's feelings rather than his own. He lets Barry steer them over to the couch, sitting and tugging Barry down next to him]
She should be. But I think we've both learned that idiots committing crimes in costumes don't really have that kind of moral code. [He settles his hand on Barry's leg, giving it a little squeeze] It wasn't real. But it seemed like it, for a little while. It's understandable that you'd be having trouble wrapping your head around it not being real.
[Hal's the kind of person who takes more time to process his own feelings, but that's okay. Barry will be here when he's ready. And, maybe it works, because it lets him get this all off his chest before it drives him too crazy.]
Yeah, I know. [It'd be nice if villains did have some kind of basic moral code, but he knows his own rogues are a little weird.
Barry leans against Hal's side, resting his weight against him, quietly appreciating how sturdy and solid he always feels when Barry's world is upside-down.] I don't know how long it would have taken me to break the illusion myself.
[He might be ready by the time Barry gets all his own feelings out. Who knows. Hal wraps an arm around Barry, hugging him tightly]
I can see why you'd want to stay there. [That had been the whole point, hadn't it? To keep them there. It hadn't worked so well but, had it just been Barry, it might have. Iris will never not be a sore spot for Barry and that's completely understandable. It's annoying and unfair that this meta managed to uncover that and use it against Barry] I should've punched the guy just for that. No matter how pathetic he was.
I don't. I wouldn't. [Want to stay like that, that is. Not just because it's an illusion, but because... it was a long time ago. It's the past, and it aches to have it ripped open like this again, but he doesn't spend his days longing for it. For her. Barry misses Iris, sure, but he's found happiness with Hal.] But with part of my memories blocked off like that, it just felt... normal. [Not remembering Hal, not remembering being the Flash, or anything, of course it was hard to pull himself out of a comfortable suburbian daydream.
He huffs a quiet laugh.] It wasn't necessary. It's good he didn't put up much of a fight after we got out.
I get it. [He can see how it probably seemed simpler. How it felt normal. He never once judged Barry for having a harder time breaking free than he did because he gets it. Barry's memories were definitely more of an open book than his] You didn't need to worry about getting yourself out of it anyway. That's what you have me for.
You say it was good but I would have liked to get at least a couple good punches in. He deserved it. [Hal is still annoyed. He's gonna be for a while, probably]
[That's what you have me for. And Barry can't help but smile at that, leaning up to kiss him, softly.] Yeah. I'm glad I always have you. [Hal is going to say he's being sappy, and he gets it, but... After all that, after Hal had to see him lost in this fantasy of his dead wife being alive and well again, he wants to remind his best friend that he's happy with him in the here and now.]
He did deserve it. He crossed a lot of lines. [Like being in Hal's head too.
You always will. Sappy. [Just this once, he'll let Barry have his sap. If only because he's not feeling the greatest himself and maybe the sap is kind of nice. He'll never admit that. He will happily return the kiss, though]
Yeah. Yeah, he did. [He goes quiet after that, grip on Barry tightening just a fraction] That annoys me too, actually. That there's even a line to be crossed. [For him, specifically, he means. Barry not being happy about having his dead wife thrown in his face is very reasonable. Being upset that someone was poking around in his head and trying to control him, somehow, is not reasonable. To Hal and only to Hal, probably]
[Barry just hums in agreement, because yeah, he's going to be sappy. He loves his best friend, and he's grateful for his presence. Even right now he's a comfortable, solid warmth that Barry can lean against, and that kiss helps him relax.]
Of course there's a line to be crossed. No one is going to be just okay with someone rifling through their memories and trying to build some weird utopia for them to stay trapped in. [It makes sense that it bothers Hal. It would be weird if it didn't, he thinks.]
It...wasn't even really the utopia that bothered me. [That was annoying, sure. The whole attempt at copying Carol was annoying but it didn't outright bother him. It was more just...the general idea of someone being in his head, digging through his memories, trying to find a way to get him to do what they wanted him to do that bothered him. He doesn't know how to voice that, though]
[Ah. Barry thinks he gets it now. It's more that someone was in his head that bothers Hal, he thinks, and he's sympathetic - it bothers him too. It was no fun to have someone using his memories against him. But he can see where it might really get under Hal's skin.]
It's messed up, to know someone was in your mind digging around. It's personal. Of course it bothers you.
[Hal lets out a long breath, glad that Barry seems to get it. He can't even begin to explain it in words]
Yeah. I guess. [He's so annoyed and almost...anxious. As close as he ever gets to being anxious, at least. He leans closer to press a kiss to Barry's temple] You should at least change out of your costume. Get comfortable.
[Barry tilts his head, pulls Hal down for a real kiss instead, soft and brief but trying to convey comfort as much as he can. It's easy for him to tell that his friend feels off, and he isn't sure how he can fix that, but- he probably can't. Only time and distance from today's situation can fix that. All he can do is be here for Hal the way Hal is here for him.]
Yeah, okay. [The nice part of being a speedster is that it takes him seconds to go upstairs and change out of his costume, and into a soft, old t-shirt, lounge pants, and socks. Hal doesn't even have time to miss him before he's back on the couch with him, leaning into his side.]
[It's true that nothing can really fix the way Hal is feeling right now besides just time. Time and not having to think about it for at least a little while. He’s been in regular clothes since they got home, his own costume able to be willed away. He has it easier than most people in that regard. When Barry comes back he does one better and pulls him into his lap, holding him close and burying his face in the crook of his best friend's neck. He wants to be close right now and he doesn't think Barry will hold that against him]
[Barry goes along with it easily, lets Hal pull him into his lap, and fits comfortably against him. It's nothing to bring his hands up and stroke his fingers through Hal's hair, letting him basically hide his face against his neck. His breath is warm against the skin bared by the loose neck of his shirt.]
Yeah, this is okay. [He kisses the side of his head, exhaling softly, content to sit like this until his delivery food gets here.]
[This kind of vulnerability is something that Hal would never let anyone else see. With Barry, though, it's fine. He feels a little clingy doing this but...it's fine. Given what they just went through, wanting to be close probably isn't that strange]
The least surprising thing about today is the fact that you ordered food the minute we got in the house. What did you order? [He's not hungry himself, he just...wants to talk about something else]
Even without an appetite, I still need the calories. [Barry says with a quiet laugh, like it's any other night, not wanting to draw attention to Hal's show of vulnerability. He actually does appreciate it, that his friend is willing to be even this open with him here in the privacy of their home.]
I ordered Chinese. Got your favorite, if you want to share any. [He doesn't expect Hal to be that hungry, but it would be good if ate at least a few bites of something.]
[Hal's not great at vulnerable. But he figures if there's anyone it's safe to be that around, it's Barry. He shakes his head at the offer of food, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Barry's neck]
Really not hungry. You can have it all. But thanks.
You sure? It's not great for you to skip a meal after exerting so much energy. [Not that it was a huge fight, but who knows how long they were struggling in that illusion, after all. But he won't push any more than that, just kisses the side of Hal's head in turn, and then tilts his head to kiss him properly.]
[Hal scoffs at the comment about exerting energy. He's still very annoyed that he didn't even get to beat the guy senseless. At least then he would've been able to do something about the situation]
Oh yeah, I exerted so much energy. I'm fine, Barry. [He's not but...it's better now that they're home. He's more than happy to return that kiss, tugging Barry closer]
Okay, okay. [He's not going to argue any further. Hal's a big boy and he can eat when he's hungry, it's not like the fridge is ever empty.
And he definitely doesn't believe that Hal is fine, but he's not going to argue that either. Far more productive to lean in closer and kiss him nice and slow and easy, bringing a hand up to cup the side of his jaw and thumb across his cheek.]
[He'll eat later, probably. He'll also probably be more open to actually talk later, too. About himself. Because he's perfectly willing to talk about anything Barry wants or needs to talk about, he just can't process his own feelings well enough right now to talk about them. Right now, he just needs to be close to Barry. That'll help]
Love you. [The kissing is a nice distraction from everything else that happened today, honestly. He needs that]
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Are you okay?
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Not really. [No one really would be, after what they went through this morning.] Are you okay?
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I don't think I'm doing great, no. You wanna talk about it? [He's not so sure he's down to talk about how he feels regarding this himself but if Barry wants or needs to, he will too]
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Barry isn't so reticent. He leans into that hug, remaining there for another few minutes, before he starts to pull them over to the couch instead. They might as well sit, and he can lean against Hal for strength.]
...My deceased wife should really be off-limits for this sort of thing. [He finally says, with a heavy sigh.] I know none of it was real, but it's harder to convince my brain of that.
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She should be. But I think we've both learned that idiots committing crimes in costumes don't really have that kind of moral code. [He settles his hand on Barry's leg, giving it a little squeeze] It wasn't real. But it seemed like it, for a little while. It's understandable that you'd be having trouble wrapping your head around it not being real.
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Yeah, I know. [It'd be nice if villains did have some kind of basic moral code, but he knows his own rogues are a little weird.
Barry leans against Hal's side, resting his weight against him, quietly appreciating how sturdy and solid he always feels when Barry's world is upside-down.] I don't know how long it would have taken me to break the illusion myself.
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I can see why you'd want to stay there. [That had been the whole point, hadn't it? To keep them there. It hadn't worked so well but, had it just been Barry, it might have. Iris will never not be a sore spot for Barry and that's completely understandable. It's annoying and unfair that this meta managed to uncover that and use it against Barry] I should've punched the guy just for that. No matter how pathetic he was.
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He huffs a quiet laugh.] It wasn't necessary. It's good he didn't put up much of a fight after we got out.
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You say it was good but I would have liked to get at least a couple good punches in. He deserved it. [Hal is still annoyed. He's gonna be for a while, probably]
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He did deserve it. He crossed a lot of lines. [Like being in Hal's head too.
But he's still glad it ended pretty bloodlessly.]
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Yeah. Yeah, he did. [He goes quiet after that, grip on Barry tightening just a fraction] That annoys me too, actually. That there's even a line to be crossed. [For him, specifically, he means. Barry not being happy about having his dead wife thrown in his face is very reasonable. Being upset that someone was poking around in his head and trying to control him, somehow, is not reasonable. To Hal and only to Hal, probably]
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Of course there's a line to be crossed. No one is going to be just okay with someone rifling through their memories and trying to build some weird utopia for them to stay trapped in. [It makes sense that it bothers Hal. It would be weird if it didn't, he thinks.]
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It's messed up, to know someone was in your mind digging around. It's personal. Of course it bothers you.
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Yeah. I guess. [He's so annoyed and almost...anxious. As close as he ever gets to being anxious, at least. He leans closer to press a kiss to Barry's temple] You should at least change out of your costume. Get comfortable.
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Yeah, okay. [The nice part of being a speedster is that it takes him seconds to go upstairs and change out of his costume, and into a soft, old t-shirt, lounge pants, and socks. Hal doesn't even have time to miss him before he's back on the couch with him, leaning into his side.]
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This okay?
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Yeah, this is okay. [He kisses the side of his head, exhaling softly, content to sit like this until his delivery food gets here.]
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The least surprising thing about today is the fact that you ordered food the minute we got in the house. What did you order? [He's not hungry himself, he just...wants to talk about something else]
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I ordered Chinese. Got your favorite, if you want to share any. [He doesn't expect Hal to be that hungry, but it would be good if ate at least a few bites of something.]
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Really not hungry. You can have it all. But thanks.
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Oh yeah, I exerted so much energy. I'm fine, Barry. [He's not but...it's better now that they're home. He's more than happy to return that kiss, tugging Barry closer]
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And he definitely doesn't believe that Hal is fine, but he's not going to argue that either. Far more productive to lean in closer and kiss him nice and slow and easy, bringing a hand up to cup the side of his jaw and thumb across his cheek.]
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Love you. [The kissing is a nice distraction from everything else that happened today, honestly. He needs that]
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